Have you ever felt uncomfortable when you get cat calls? Are guys following you home, making you feel uncomfortable and afraid for your virtue? Are they doing this in groups and yelling out what each of them are going to do to you? If so, the most important question is: well, what were you wearing? This has to be the source of all of your scary man problems. You are the problem… right? NO! You are beautiful the way you are; tank tops, turtle necks, maxi dresses, leather skirts, little black dresses, sweat pants, etc. It is not your responsibility to control men’s behavior by what you wear. There is no excuse for violence in any form; further, there is NO excuse for blaming a victim for any reason. It doesn’t matter what clothing is or is not. Violence, especially sexual violence, is about POWER and not sex. We live in a ‘rape culture’ that blames victims and justifies oppressors. This also spurs slut shaming and fetishizing abuse in relationships. By asking “what were you wearing”, or saying “you should have known” does nothing but keep violence on top. There is nothing rational about telling someone they should have known that they were going to be a victim today. Women are socialized to be afraid of everything, and that violence towards them in inevitable. This perpetuates a cycle of excuses for those who do commit offenses against them. It is not ok, and we have to start being conscious about changing it. We have to be there for the women who have had traumatic experiences, and support the women who are trying to stop violence. If we don’t change our outlook on violence, things can only get worse from here.
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